Christmas is a time to remember the birth of our Savior. However, with the season comes the worldly question, "What do you want for Christmas?"
Growing up, this question got me thinking of my most wanted toy, activity, game, or accessory. My mind would bounce from one fun idea to another. The night before Christmas morning my mind was flashing through ideas of what Santa would bring me... what I would be playing with the next morning?... such a magical time for a child.
However, for the last couple of years, what I really wanted couldn't be neatly wrapped with a bow and put under a tree. It couldn't be bought at some Black Friday or Cyber Monday sale. My parents couldn't get me what I wanted. My husband, your dad, though just as desperate, couldn't give me what we both so longed for.
We wanted you. We wanted to grow our family.
Every Thanksgiving and Christmas comes with family, friends, and church events. Along with these events always came the question, "When are you guys going to have kids?". I dreaded having to put on a fake smile and say "Eventually" when in my heart it tugged at every heartstring and took all my effort to not let out streams of tears. Dad would always squeeze my hand or hold on to me when these types of questions were asked... he knew this question was a sensitive one for me. If only they knew.
We wanted you then, but it wasn't happening. Every year Dad and I would dream about "next year's Christmas". Surely you would be with us by next Christmas, right? We enjoyed our alone time, but- for me- it always felt a little empty... someone was missing. We'd talk about what we looked forward to when you joined our family. We couldn't wait to take you to see the Temple Christmas lights. We couldn't wait to start new traditions; we couldn't wait to continue traditions we already have. We couldn't wait to teach you the story of Christ being born. We couldn't wait to surprise you guys with presents on Christmas morning. We couldn't wait to hear the screaming and chaos that comes with opening presents and seeing you guys so excited. We hoped to check off some things from your Christmas list as well as make memories that you'd cherish for years to come- we know that those memories are what we will cherish the rest of our lives.
Every year parts of our Christmas Lists changed, items were crossed off, but the number one item I longed for stayed at the top: You. A Baby. Our Baby. Our prayers for you intensified. Our prayers of faith increased. Our prayers of hope grew. Our prayers of thankfulness for the things we did/do have expanded.
This year I can say that I will receive my #1 thing from my Christmas List. My childhood aspiration would come true. I finally would become a mother. And as irony would have it, I wouldn't be blessed with just one, not even two, but three wonderful bundles of joy. You guys are the answer to many prayers- many prayers from us, friends, family, co-workers, etc.
I cannot wait to hear you cry, see you smile, and comfort you. I feel like I have waited my whole life to be your mom. I feel you move inside me and love you already. We are so blessed. We are so excited. We are nervous. We are so grateful for this miracle. Some people are lucky to have miracles in their life, we somehow managed to get 3 miracles at once.
We love you,
Mom and Dad
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