Our Sunday will Come- Happy Easter!

Dear Bundle of Joy,

Today is Easter Sunday. It has been wonderful to celebrate the life of our Savior, His example, His atonement, and the eternal love he has for all of us! This last week was a special one, since it was the week before the Savior was resurrected. I tried to remember and read about what happened this last week, many years ago:

The week previous to His resurrection is the week that He:

-instituted the Sacrament

-suffered in Gethsemane

-performed the atonement on the cross

-let himself be crucified

-was resurrected!

Christ instituting the Sacrament

Christ in Gethsemane

He is not here, for He is risen!

With this knowledge that Christ lives again after dying, stems His gospel. If we didn't live again after we die or we weren't resurrected, we wouldn't really need to have faith, do temple work, or worry about if our choices are in line with God's will. With the knowledge that Christ had died but now lives again, we realize that this time on Earth is just a part of our existence. We learn that scriptures have been fulfilled, there is a plan after this life, and we must utilize the atonement in order to live with God again. The story of Christ's life is amazing, but the short time spent right before he was crucified is truly spiritual. The scriptures below illustrate these special moments and insights.

Matthew 21:12- Jesus entered the temple. He turned over the moneychangers' tables. He healed the blind and lame that entered the temple.
Jesus knew he would have to be crucified soon. He used his time to visit the temple, the house of God. When we are preparing for important events in our life, we too should attend the temple to draw upon the strength of God. Jesus also spent his last part of his life serving others. He could have spent these last moments primarily alone, with family, or friends. But he made time to heal those around him. We should always take time to serve others. Even if we are "too busy", have trials or hardship in our own life, or are  moving out of the ward next month. We should always be looking for ways to serve, no matter our circumstances.

Matthew 26:36- Christ went to go pray for the 1st time.

Matthew 26:39- Christ asked God, "O my Father, if it be possible let this cup pass from me: nevertheless not as I will, but thou wilt".
Christ asked God if there was any other way than the one previously agreed upon. I love how this shows that He too was feeling uneasy (if that's the right word) or just looking to make sure that this was the only way to bring God's children back to Him. This is a great example to me of submitting to God's will, even if it is hard. 

Matthew 26:42- Christ went away a 2nd time to pray. He asked again, "O my Father, if this cup may not pass away from me, except I drink it, thy will be done".
Christ checked up on his disciples (who were sleeping) and again returned to pray. He tells God that he will do what needs to be done. 

Matthew 26:44- Christ went away a 3rd time to pray. He repeated his pleadings again unto God.
Christ checked up on his disciples again (who were still sleeping) and again returned to pray. Sometimes we need to pray about hard things multiple times before we are given ALL the strength to endure through it. I cannot imagine how Christ was feeling knowing that after they left this place that he would be taken and arrested. 

Matthew 26:53-54- Christ knows that His Father could send help, but also knows that this must be done for mankind.
After Christ is arrested, one follower drew a sword and cut off the ear of a guard. Christ tells them not to bear their swords or else they would be killed by them. This is when he says what is written in this verse. He knows that he could be saved, but he knows that he needs to submit to them in order to fulfill the plan that God has set forth. It must have been so painful knowing that you could be saved from upcoming pain but not asking for it. 

Matthew 27:46- Christ asks "My God, my God, why has thou forsaken me?" while on the cross.
I had always thought that if it were anyone on the cross, they would be asking the same thing. So, it never really seemed out of place for one to say this. However, I am reminded that Christ had NEVER BEEN WITHOUT THE SPIRIT of God. He lived a PERFECT life. His choices always warranted the SPIRIT to be with him. Even in Gethsemane, the Holy Ghost was with him to help him with the atonement...preparatory to him doing it on his own later. At that moment on the cross, He performed the atonement ON HIS OWN. The Spirit was no longer with him. He needed to do it on his own. This was the first time that he was all alone. I can't imagine what emptiness he must have felt. I also know that he knows how we feel when the Spirit withdraws from us when we make less than worthy choices. He knows.



In a talk given by Joseph B. Wirthlin, titled "Sunday Will Come", he speaks of loved ones dying and the fact that Christ opened the door to resurrection and that we will be able to see all our loved ones again. In this message he shares an important truth, using the death and resurrection of Christ as a symbol. Elder Wirthlin states many wonderful insights regarding this event:

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross. On that terrible Friday the earth shook and grew dark. Frightful storms lashed at the earth.

On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

This principle that "Sunday will come" that was illustrated from Christ's crucifixion, death, and resurrection beautifully illustrates that "this too shall pass". These phrases of hope are not empty BECAUSE HE LIVES.

Whatever we are going through, or will go through, Christ can help us. He can heal us. He is there for us. He knows how to help us even before we realize we need help. He is waiting for us to ask upon him. The enabling power of the atonement is one that I have come to learn a little more about. The strength it gives me in this trial of trying to have you is something I couldn't do on my own. I know it is for my learning and growth. He can and will help me through it... if I ask.

I am so grateful for my Savior, Jesus Christ. I do not know how to eloquently express my feelings on this subject, but do know He lives. He loves us. He wants us to draw on Him and His atonement so that we can become pure and live with Him and our Heavenly parents again. He is risen and because of Him, we will be too.

Love, 

Mom

"Barren" Women from the Old Testament

Dear Bundle of Joy,

In addition to reading the scriptures, I REALLY, REALLY enjoy perusing conference talks and other articles on the church's website. I came upon two articles (here and here) that were published in the Ensign that I really enjoyed twofold because 1) it was about faithful women from the old testament and how they reacted to their situations and 2) half of the women discussed had issues with bearing children so I felt like I could relate! I'll RECAP my favorite insights and parts from these articles:

Faith and Fortitude: Women of the Old Testament

Sarah: 

*Royal Lineage

*Wife of Abraham

*Mother of Isaac

*It would have been difficult to hear that God said that he was going to make your husband a "great nation" but you weren't conceiving. It was decades(!) before this promise was fulfilled. I'm sure she doubted at times if it were going to come to pass in this lifetime...

*She wasn't able to bear a child for YEARS; she was in her 90's

*LESSONS:

-There might be long "delays" before we receive our righteous desires

-All things are for our good and experience

-Faith in the Lord will help in being patient for God's timing

Rebekah:

*Daughter to Sarah

*Wife of Isaac- She was chosen to be his wife because she was at the watering hole and served the man that was there to find a wife for Jacob. 

*Mother of Esau and Jacob

*Virtuous, reverent, humble, modest, respect

*Waited YEARS to conceive

*She remained faithful in prayer, despite her trial

*Eventually she was blessed with two sons (Esau and Jacob), but her trials didn't end there... Her son, Esau, lost his birthright through choices he made.... which I'm sure comes with a lot of other trials or stress among family relationships that we don't hear about. She was able to guide Jacob to his birthright.

*LESSONS:

-If you are in the right place, at the right time, doing the right thing, then blessings come

-Women can be guides to those in their family: helping each other receive their "birthright"

Rachel (and Leah):

*Daughter to Rebekah

*Sister to Leah

*Wife to Jacob

*Jacob first wanted Rachel as a wife but he was tricked by working for 7 years (!), only to be given Leah to marry. Jacob worked another 7 years (!) and finally got Rachel. 

*Waited YEARS to conceive

*By both being married to Jacob and also giving their handmaids to Jacob, this is how the 12 Tribes of Israel were created!

*Rachel's trial: not conceiving

*Leah's trial: not having Jacobs full attention

*IF ONLY Rachel could've seen her posterity amidst her trial... I guess this is where faith comes in...

*LESSONS:

-Two sisters: two different trials: both painful to the individual: both possibly jealous of the other's situation. Don't want what others have. For all you know, they want what YOU have. Be grateful for the blessings you have in your life.

-Even if our reality is different that we expected or wanted, we will be blessed if we trust in the Lord and align our will to His.

-We will be blessed for obedience and faith

***** I never knew that all 3 of these women had issues conceiving! I knew Sarah did because it is a "common" story taught to young children and more principles and doctrine are added on later in youth and adult years. However, I can just imagine the pain and empathy Sarah had for her daughter, Rebekah, while she was also going through years of not conceiving. It was probably a huge blessing to Rebekah that there was someone there who personally knew what she was feeling and from what we read in scripture; it would seem that Abraham and Sarah were probably pillars of faith and examples to her throughout the journey until conceiving. I'm sure that Sarah gave advice and counsel that was beneficial to Rebekah. Rachel, Rebekah's daughter probably received the same strength, counsel, and hope from her mom and grandmother while she was suffering through her trial as well. Once again, it probably was a huge help in having these faithful women at her side to help her through her difficult time. *****

Shunammite Woman:

*Unnamed woman in scripture

*Married but childless

*She served the prophet in the capacity she was able

*She was content with her circumstances and humble (probably had great faith and accepted that she didn't have children yet)

*She didn't ask the prophet for her to be blessed to have children, but he promised her that she would conceive.

*Once conceiving, her child grew, but eventually died. The prophet, Elisha, restored her son to life!

*She listened to Elisha and left the land to avoid a famine

*LESSONS:

-Unselfish service brings great blessings

-When we faithfully follow the prophets counsel, we experience blessings

Hannah:

*She was barren

*This trial deeply affected her; she was full of great sorrow

*She was faithful and still went to the temple to try and give her pain to the Lord

*Mother to Samuel

*She put her trust in the Lord

*She bore 5 more children (so 6 total!)

*LESSONS:

-The Lord ALWAYS hears our prayers and answers them in the way and time which is best for us

-All things will work together for our good

-Great blessings come from faithfully waiting on the Lord

*****************************************************************************

What can we do right now while waiting for our righteous desires to be fulfilled by God?

-While "waiting" on the Lord's timing, spend more time being productive and improving yourself

-Keep strengthening your faith in the Lord

-Respond like Rebekah "I will go" when prompted by the Spirit

-Seek for revelation: act on it when it comes

-Put your full trust in the Lord

-What relationships can you develop further to increase love in your family?

-How has service blessed me?

-How quickly am I to obey the prophets' counsel?

-Do I have unfailing faith and trust that the Lord will hear and answer my prayers?

-Do I have the faith to wait humbly during my trials?

*****************************************************************************

These women would have been considered "barren" before conceiving their children. I put "barren" in quotes in the title of this blog, because I believe that although they weren't able to become pregnant, they weren't "empty", "without achievements", or "unproductive" as other definitions of this word would suggest. They were definitely Full of Faith and Fortitude as the title of both articles suggest. They were full of courage, prayer, meekness, humbleness, determination, sacrifice, hope, joy, long-suffering, charity, gratitude, obedience, etc. Because they trusted in the Lord and had faith in his timing, they were given great blessings, I'm sure more than they even ever expected. Blessings come AFTER the trial of your Faith, after all... I want to be like these great women in the scriptures. I am so grateful that these stories were included in the words we have today. I hope that I can have the faith to overcome this trial, and all others that will come later in life, in such a way that others can draw strength from... like these women's examples have helped me.

I hope you enjoyed these nuggets of truth and principle, as I did. These lessons learned can be applied to ANY trial you are going through. Have faith in the Lord and know that he knows best. Your dad always says, "The Lord knows best!"... it is probably his favorite response to things that don't go "our way". I know he is right. The Lord does know best.

Love you, 

Mom

Blessed Easter!

Dear Bundle of Joy,

Today is Easter! This past week, Dad actually got home early enough for us to go to the Mesa Temple Easter Pageant! This is a fun Easter tradition that we try to go to every year. While at the pageant, I had several thoughts and feelings that made me think of this trial and process that we are going though trying to get you here. I also had the great timing of being at 3 Nephi in my scripture reading this weekend. I was able to read about the signs of Christs birth, death, and visitation of the Americas!  I found one REALLY interesting insight...

• 3 Nephi 8: 20-23: When reading about the darkness that covered the land when Christ was crucified, I found something very interesting. Usually, in scripture, we are given the visualization that Light ALWAYS dispels darkness: Christ's light can always dispel the darkness of sin/satan/ etc. However, in these verses, no light, fire, candles, or torches could be lit. I can only think that this was because Christ was dead. Once the 3 days was over (once Christ was resurrected), they were able to have light. Without Christ, there is no light. We would be stuck in darkness or sin. WITH CHRIST (THE light), he can dispel our burdens, our grief, our pain, our sins. 

• Christ suffered so that we don't have to suffer alone. He knows exactly what we are going through. He has complete EMPATHY for us. A quote that I love comes from David A. Bednar where he said, "You and I in a moment of weakness may cry out, "No one understands. No one knows". No human being perhaps knows, but the Son of God perfectly knows and understands. For he felt and bore the burdens before we ever did". He knows our struggles.

• I would rather not go through this trial and heartache labeled "Infertility", but I realize that it helps me grow and rely on God and Christ. Although Christ is perfect, He also understands not wanting to go through hard things. It says in Luke 22:42 "Saying, Father, if thou be willing, remove this cup from me: nevertheless not my will, but thine, be done." I take this as Christ asking God if there was ANY other way, then he wanted to know. But since there was no other way, Christ released his will and wholly submitted to the Father's. Let me just say, I am not saying that what I am going through is ANYTHING EVEN REMOTELY close to what Christ did... but what I AM SAYING is that Christ knows what it feels like to not like what we are going through. He, once again, set the PERFECT example of how we should act when things don't go the way we *think* they should have. 

• Christ showed us that it is God's will, timing, and plan- not ours. But, ultimately, His plan is better than anything I could plan, dream, expect- I know this! 

• I know that Christ lives. He is there to carry our sorrows since he has true empathy. He knows how to succor us because he knows us individually. He lives today and can help us now- No matter what we are going through.

• I know that because of Him, many things are possible. Because of him, we too can live again. Because of Him, we can be forgiven of our shortcomings and sins. Because of Him, we can be comforted in our trials and struggles. Because of Him, we will be able to have children eventually. Because of Him, we can have peace and joy in this life

Love, 

Your Parents

Mother's Day

Dear Bundle of Joy, 

The last month has been a whirlwind: moving (AGAIN!), getting the school year wrapped up, packing up my classroom, and your dad left to North Dakota for work and applying for flying jobs around there! Will things every slow down? I think not. 

Through all this craziness, I have been trying to find uplifting and spiritual messages regarding our struggle to get you here and how we, as parents, can "keep the faith" that all will work out for our good. Deep down, we know that EVERYTHING is in God's timing and are faithful in this... however, like I said before, sometimes I become sad or doubtful--- we just want you here! :)

Anyway, through contemplation, study, and research, I came upon this very important truth about a month ago: Motherhood is more of a characteristic, rather than how many children you have actually borne. 

Knowing  the story of Adam and Eve, Adam and Eve were commanded to "multiply and replenish the Earth". They were commanded this before they even understood what this meant... since they were "as little children". Eve was called the "Mother of all living" before she bore children.  In order for her to realize what they were commanded and to start having children, they had to "fall" first.  

Like Eve, I had to have a "falling" of my own. 
A falling of pride- thinking that "its not fair", "why me", "I should be a mother NOW", "I would be such a good mom!". 
A falling to my knees
A falling of my own plans  
With these falls,  I actually rose. 
A rise in humility.  
A rise in faith.  
A rise in hope. 
A rise in gratitude and love.  
A rise in empathy. 
A rise in service. 
A rise in selflessness.  
A rise in gospel knowledge--- really truly believing in that God will keep all his promises and that we'll be given a chance to raise children in the next life... if it doesn't happen here. 
A rise in commitment and dedication to the Lord- that no matter the trial, I will remain faithful. 

I realized that the PROS definitely out-weigh the CONS. And, more PROS are added every day! I am grateful for trials and the "rises" they bring to me... with each rise, I get closer to heaven, to feel of his love for me and all that is in store for me--- in this life and in the next. 


About a month after I had this realization, I came upon this quote from Sister Patricia Holland:

"As I tenderly acknowledge the very real pain that many single women, or married women who have not borne children, feel about any discussion of motherhood, could we consider this one possibility about our eternal female identity—our unity in our diversity? Eve was given the identity of “the mother of all living”—years, decades, perhaps centuries before she ever bore a child. It would appear that her motherhood preceded her maternity, just as surely as the perfection of the Garden preceded the struggles of mortality. I believe mother is one of those very carefully chosen words, one of those rich words—with meaning after meaning after meaning. We must not, at all costs, let that word divide us. I believe with all my heart that it is first and foremost a statement about our nature, not a head count of our children."

YES!!! She definitely captured what I was thinking and what I was trying to formulate in my mind a month ago, but she says it so much more eloquently!!!

So, today is Mother's Day. I first off have to say that I have the best mom, your grandma, that anyone could have: she is selfless, hardworking, loving, fun, compassionate. I hope to be half the mom that she is. I don't know how she does it! 

Through friends (or friends of friends) who can relate, I have seen MANY people who let this trial destroy their faith. Some let it overtake their life... which I can completely understand--- it's heartbreaking, it's lonely at times, it's unfair-seeming, it's a long road (which I've only started!), it's a righteous desire so why isn't it happening!? I understand the emotions behind it. Do I get sad? Do I cry sometimes at night thinking about not having you here? Do I long to hold you at night? Do I long for your crying fits, "blowouts", and temper tantrums?--- Well, maybe not that... ;) But, Yes, yes, yes, and yes. However, I will choose to NOT let it ruin my life. It's funny because your dad and I have this motto of "Don't let it ruin your life". We use it playfully (i.e. when I say I need to go to sleep because of work the next day... dad will say "don't let it ruin your life"... haha), but it really is true. I cannot, will not, let this ruin my life. However, I do understand that this day is hard for a lot of people.

So, with all that I've learned thus far about "Motherhood", this day is not only for those who have borne children but also for:
---those women who deeply yearn to be married and be a wife and eventually a mother
---those men and women who long to be parents but have not had the chance to do so
---parents who have fostered, adopted, or a combination of the two
---those parents who lost a child
---those women who have had one or multiple miscarriages
---ANY women who longs to be a mother...

Remember, being a mother might mean that you physically have children, but it also has SO MANY MORE meanings like Sister Holland stated above. Being motherly is an eternal characteristic that I hope to continue to develop... 

Once again, by the time you get here, hopefully I'll be that much more "motherly". :)

See you shortly, 
Mom