Since January's IUI was unsuccessful, we are at it again! My friends were so thoughtful and send me some flowers. It was a sweet gesture that I started crying: reminded that it didn't work out, but also touched that they had the thought to think of me during their busy lives.
CD 3: Wednesday, February 3- I had an ultrasound to check on my lining and follicles. There was 1 cyst on my right ovary... so I had to be put on birth control and go back in 2 weeks.
CD 17: Wednesday, February 17- I had another ultrasound to check on the status of my one cyst. It had actually gotten larger. :( Dr. Amols said that we most likely didn't catch it in time so it wasn't affected by the stopped hormones and kept growing on its own. Now, we have to wait a few weeks for my cycle to naturally start and for the cyst to go away on its own. The waiting game starts once again. :/
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CD 3: Wednesday, March 23- My cycle finally started and I had my check up today to see if that cyst had gone away... and IT HAD! YAY! We can move on with IUI #2. Dr. Amols wanted to try a different combination of medication this time around. I will be taking the Femara oral medications and injections (Gonal-f) at the same time. Using Gonal-f is different this time around and it means more shots (and about $450 more to even buy it)! I'll be giving myself 2 shots by injecting my stomach on Day 4 (100 units) and Day 6 (75 units). Ugh. I hate giving myself shots but I'll do anything to get you here. Annnnd these shots are premixed in a pen, so I don't have to measure out and mix it myself (like I had to do with the Menopur last cycle)- I'd call that a {little} win! haha.
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| Gonal-f pen... just TWIST and STICK! |
CD 4: Thursday, March 24- 2 pills of Femara tonight!
CD 5: Friday, March 25- 2 pills of Femara tonight!
CD 6/7: Saturday/ Sunday, March 26/27- 2 pills of Femara on Saturday and Sunday. Today I had several throbbing pains in my right side. I'm hoping this is a good sign and my follies are growing, growing, growing! I go on Monday (CD 8) for a follicle check--- hope all goes well. :)
CD 8: Monday, March 28- I had another ultrasound and was told to take another shot! This time it will be 75 units of the Gonal-f. He said that there were about 7 follicles, measuring around 9-11mm each. Most of the time follicles stop growing while others keep going with the medication. He's hoping this will happen because at 7 follicles, we wouldn't be able to go forward with the IUI. The follicles need to be around 15mm or larger in order to be viable to conceive. He wants me to come back tomorrow for another ultrasound.
CD 5: Friday, March 25- 2 pills of Femara tonight!
CD 6/7: Saturday/ Sunday, March 26/27- 2 pills of Femara on Saturday and Sunday. Today I had several throbbing pains in my right side. I'm hoping this is a good sign and my follies are growing, growing, growing! I go on Monday (CD 8) for a follicle check--- hope all goes well. :)
CD 8: Monday, March 28- I had another ultrasound and was told to take another shot! This time it will be 75 units of the Gonal-f. He said that there were about 7 follicles, measuring around 9-11mm each. Most of the time follicles stop growing while others keep going with the medication. He's hoping this will happen because at 7 follicles, we wouldn't be able to go forward with the IUI. The follicles need to be around 15mm or larger in order to be viable to conceive. He wants me to come back tomorrow for another ultrasound.
CD 9: Tuesday, March 29- I visited the office again today. There were some follicles measuring around 9mm still (this is good), while others grew a little to around 11-13mm. He did say it was "slow and steady" but was "hoping they'd be further along", so I have to give myself another shot of 100 units of Gonal-f tonight! :( AS WELL AS another shot of 75 units of Gonal-f tomorrow night! :( Then, he's bringing me back for an ultrasound on the 31st to check things out. I should know when I'm going to have to do my trigger shot then...
I know I'll get used to giving myself shots, but I'm still "not there" yet.... Boo!
CD 10: Wednesday, March 30- I went to put the shot in like every other time and for some reason it hurt so bad, so I had to pull it out since it wasn't even half-way in. I tried again and even switched sides... it didn't hurt going in, but when I took it out it tingled. I rubbed it out, like I usually do, and noticed it hurt. I looked down and I could tell there was an instant bruise. Apparently I touched something in there and made it bruise... I couldn't lean over for the rest of the night, but it was fine the next day.
CD 11: Thursday, March 31- I had another ultrasound to look at the follicle growth today. It looked good. I had some follices at 16 and another at 14. Three very good looking follicles with a 4th really close to being viable! He administered another shot of 100 units of Gonal-f and wants me to come back tomorrow for my (hopefully) last ultrasound.
CD 12: Friday, April 1- I left work to have my ultrasound done. Dr. Amols was a little surprised to see that one of my eggs got smaller! :( Not good. Now I only had one egg at 16 and one at 14 and another at 15... I was given another shot in the office and had another ultrasound tomorrow morning... 😧 Dr. Amols said he didn't want to scare me, but he has only seen this happen once before. When I asked what it could mean, he said that my body could be becoming resistant to these drugs, thinking its foreign so it rejects it. Boo. He said we could always up the dosage IF that is what's happening, but obviously that means that it is just more money :( Here's to hoping tomorrow morning all my eggs have grown and we're ready to do my Trigger Shot! *crossing fingers*
CD 13: Saturday, April 2- I had another ultrasound today. My follicles were up! I had a 16, 17, and 18! They gave me one more shot to make sure they didn't decline the next couple days. They informed me that my Trigger Shot will be tonight at 11:30pm- on the dot! Then my IUI will be on Monday, April 4.
I don't know if it was because I was tired, the hormones in me, or something else, but I had a little breakdown tonight. It took me like 10 minutes to give myself the shot. :( I poked myself a few times and had to take it out because it hurt too much. I started crying and hating the situation. Why can't I get pregnant like everyone else? Why do I have to poke myself with these needles? Why do I have to fill my afternoons with doctors appointments? Why? Then, Dad said to lay down on the bed and relax my stomach muscle then give myself the shot. I did that and was finally able to get it in, with the hope of sleep in the minutes after I stuck myself. It wasn't bad this time around. Ugh. Hopefully this is the last shot I have to give myself.... :)
CD 15: Monday, April 4- IUI DAY!!! I had to take work off today since the only appointment time that would work with your Dad's and my schedule was 11:30am. When I got there I was calm and at peace with whatever might happen. There were some complications with my cervix not opening correctly, so I experienced a lot more pain than last time around. There was blood and cramping, but nothing concerning. As I waited on the table for 15 minutes, it was quiet, the room was dark, and I was able to contemplate happy and hopeful thoughts of you joining our life. Now comes the dreaded 2WW (2 week wait)... along with progesterone (a medication that mimics pregnancy symptoms- headaches, fatigue, and nausea are most common... grrrreat!)
This wait is a time where my heart feels full of faith and hope but my brain reels it in with caution. Here's to hoping! :) Whatever comes, God knows best.
4DPIUI: Friday, April 8- Hopeful thinking or reassuring thought? I'll let you decide: I had a very vivid dream last night where I was at the doctor's office. Dr. Amols came in and said that my hormone levels were basically tripled from the "Safe" levels. In my mind I thought "TWINS!". Then, I woke up. I still had the literal feeling of "happy" when I woke up. I am really excited if that is the case. However, my brain had to reel in my hopeful thoughts in order to save my heart in case it doesn't work out. However, I feel that this time around I do feel better about it working out than last time! I like this feeling. We'll see what happens...
7DPIUI: Monday, April 11- Ive been having very painful and,*tugging* like pains in my stomach area. I usually do not have cramping preceeding my cycle, but either way, these feel completely different. It's hard to say what it could be. The progesterone suppositories are cruel and unusual punishment for people TTC. They mimic pregnancy symptoms... but you could be suffering them for 2 weeks and then still end up not pregnant. We'll see in a couple of days...
9DPIUI: Wednesday, April 13- While at work today, I started to get similar cramps that happen on Day 1 of my cycle. I was terrified that my cycle had started early and the feeling of disappointment, failure, and loss started to creep in. To my surprise, I hadn't started my cycle! Woo hoo- I lived another day ;) The waiting game continues until Monday!
13DPIUI: Sunday, April 17- Much to my surprise, I got a big, fat negative today. I really thought and felt different this round. I could only last through sacrament meeting today. It was a great service but my mind kept wandering to that negative pregnancy test. Will I only see negative? When will it happen? Will it ever happen? I couldn't pretend to be happy. I had to go home. My eyes hurt from so much crying today. I feel so defeated. lonely. sad. Later in the evening I had a Stake Girl's Camp meeting (I am the stake videographer/photographer). My assignment for the night was to interview the girls about questions involving the theme: "Press Forward with the Light of Christ". I feel like the theme is more for me than the girls. I felt of God's love for me during this time where I am trying to Press Forward when the girls were answering the questions. I know there's a reason and a purpose for this, but I still struggle with it in some moments... especially these moments when I find out we still aren't pregnant yet... :'(
I think that we might be able to complete one more cycle before I have to head to camp... as long as I don't have any cysts. We'll see what happens...
Until next time...
CD 12: Friday, April 1- I left work to have my ultrasound done. Dr. Amols was a little surprised to see that one of my eggs got smaller! :( Not good. Now I only had one egg at 16 and one at 14 and another at 15... I was given another shot in the office and had another ultrasound tomorrow morning... 😧 Dr. Amols said he didn't want to scare me, but he has only seen this happen once before. When I asked what it could mean, he said that my body could be becoming resistant to these drugs, thinking its foreign so it rejects it. Boo. He said we could always up the dosage IF that is what's happening, but obviously that means that it is just more money :( Here's to hoping tomorrow morning all my eggs have grown and we're ready to do my Trigger Shot! *crossing fingers*
CD 13: Saturday, April 2- I had another ultrasound today. My follicles were up! I had a 16, 17, and 18! They gave me one more shot to make sure they didn't decline the next couple days. They informed me that my Trigger Shot will be tonight at 11:30pm- on the dot! Then my IUI will be on Monday, April 4.
I don't know if it was because I was tired, the hormones in me, or something else, but I had a little breakdown tonight. It took me like 10 minutes to give myself the shot. :( I poked myself a few times and had to take it out because it hurt too much. I started crying and hating the situation. Why can't I get pregnant like everyone else? Why do I have to poke myself with these needles? Why do I have to fill my afternoons with doctors appointments? Why? Then, Dad said to lay down on the bed and relax my stomach muscle then give myself the shot. I did that and was finally able to get it in, with the hope of sleep in the minutes after I stuck myself. It wasn't bad this time around. Ugh. Hopefully this is the last shot I have to give myself.... :)
CD 15: Monday, April 4- IUI DAY!!! I had to take work off today since the only appointment time that would work with your Dad's and my schedule was 11:30am. When I got there I was calm and at peace with whatever might happen. There were some complications with my cervix not opening correctly, so I experienced a lot more pain than last time around. There was blood and cramping, but nothing concerning. As I waited on the table for 15 minutes, it was quiet, the room was dark, and I was able to contemplate happy and hopeful thoughts of you joining our life. Now comes the dreaded 2WW (2 week wait)... along with progesterone (a medication that mimics pregnancy symptoms- headaches, fatigue, and nausea are most common... grrrreat!)
This wait is a time where my heart feels full of faith and hope but my brain reels it in with caution. Here's to hoping! :) Whatever comes, God knows best.
4DPIUI: Friday, April 8- Hopeful thinking or reassuring thought? I'll let you decide: I had a very vivid dream last night where I was at the doctor's office. Dr. Amols came in and said that my hormone levels were basically tripled from the "Safe" levels. In my mind I thought "TWINS!". Then, I woke up. I still had the literal feeling of "happy" when I woke up. I am really excited if that is the case. However, my brain had to reel in my hopeful thoughts in order to save my heart in case it doesn't work out. However, I feel that this time around I do feel better about it working out than last time! I like this feeling. We'll see what happens...
7DPIUI: Monday, April 11- Ive been having very painful and,*tugging* like pains in my stomach area. I usually do not have cramping preceeding my cycle, but either way, these feel completely different. It's hard to say what it could be. The progesterone suppositories are cruel and unusual punishment for people TTC. They mimic pregnancy symptoms... but you could be suffering them for 2 weeks and then still end up not pregnant. We'll see in a couple of days...
9DPIUI: Wednesday, April 13- While at work today, I started to get similar cramps that happen on Day 1 of my cycle. I was terrified that my cycle had started early and the feeling of disappointment, failure, and loss started to creep in. To my surprise, I hadn't started my cycle! Woo hoo- I lived another day ;) The waiting game continues until Monday!
13DPIUI: Sunday, April 17- Much to my surprise, I got a big, fat negative today. I really thought and felt different this round. I could only last through sacrament meeting today. It was a great service but my mind kept wandering to that negative pregnancy test. Will I only see negative? When will it happen? Will it ever happen? I couldn't pretend to be happy. I had to go home. My eyes hurt from so much crying today. I feel so defeated. lonely. sad. Later in the evening I had a Stake Girl's Camp meeting (I am the stake videographer/photographer). My assignment for the night was to interview the girls about questions involving the theme: "Press Forward with the Light of Christ". I feel like the theme is more for me than the girls. I felt of God's love for me during this time where I am trying to Press Forward when the girls were answering the questions. I know there's a reason and a purpose for this, but I still struggle with it in some moments... especially these moments when I find out we still aren't pregnant yet... :'(
I think that we might be able to complete one more cycle before I have to head to camp... as long as I don't have any cysts. We'll see what happens...
Until next time...
Love,
Your Parents
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