Mid-night Snacks

Dear Bundles of Joy,

It seems that waking up in the middle of the night is my new routine these days: either to pee or because my stomach is growling. Scout and I have enjoyed a mid-night (or early morning) snack together many times this pregnancy. She already loves you guys because of this ;)

As I am awake, sitting in a quiet room, I can't help but feel grateful. Hopeful. Blessed. I love you guys so much already and know that whether you all make it here healthy, it is up to God. No point in me worrying. I'll just do everything that I can and do my best to get you here safely.

Tears often stream down my cheeks when I contemplate how lucky/ blessed I feel. I feel unworthy and probably am. But God sees it fit, so I will take it, happily. Is this real life?! I can't believe that you guys are mine. No matter what happens I am a mom to 3 already. I love it.

A general conference talk titled "But if Not" has been on my mind lately. It truly is a great reminder that my faith in God is not affected by consequences or outcomes of certain situations.

Sometimes we get what we want.

Sometimes we don't.

Sometimes we are blessed.

Sometimes we are not.

There is a plan, a purpose for each of us.

One of my favorite hymns is "Be Still, My Soul" (by Katharina von Schlegel). It is such a beautiful hymn that encompasses faith and hope in God and his plan for us. It doesn't diminish our struggles, fears, or disappointments. It reminds us to be faithful and to endure. All will be made right in the end if we do.

1. 1. Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
   With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
   Leave to thy God to order and provide;
   In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
   Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
   Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.
2. 2. Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
   To guide the future as he has the past.
   Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
   All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
   Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
   His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.
3. 3. Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
   When we shall be forever with the Lord,
   When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
   Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
   Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
   All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

I love this gospel. It gives me answers and comfort to so many of my struggles and disappointments. It gives me hope of the future: that all will be made right.

It might not all be right, right now... but if we are faithful and endure to the end, then it will always be made right in the end.

I love you guys.

Love,
Mom